Homesick

My last week here has been difficult. As I sit here today I can not say for sure that I have a placement to go to on Monday. The next four weeks of my life look extremely blurry and uncertain. This week I tried to do something good for the Gbi Special School. I tried to help the staff and students, but it backfired.
On Tuesday I met with the Director of Special Education for the Volta Region for an interview. I was extremely excited about this because all of the staff at the Gbi School had expressed an interest in hearing about what was going on in Accra at the national level and potentially hosting the Director at the school for the day to tour the campus and hear some of their concerns. The Director came out to the homebase to meet me, which surprised me because I thought he would be much too busy to leave his office. He told me that he was working out of the assessment centre in Hohoe where children are tested to determine whether or not they have a cognitive disorder. When I asked if he had been to visit the Gbi School recently he told me that he hadn't been there since January, but said he was a teacher there before he was given his current position. He complained about a lack of funding (a common thread around here) that made it difficult for him to visit schools in the Volta Region because he had to pay for it out of his own salary. He also told me a little about the reports he is required to file with the government and the testing methods they use to assess the children. I asked if he would be interested in joining me at the Gbi School later in the week, and he seem thrilled at the prospect. I was thrilled too, and we settled on a visit Thursday morning. He suggested that afterwards myself and the other volunteer at the Gbi Special School visit the assessment centre so that he could show us around and explain things in greater detail. I was very excited!
This is when things started to go wrong. It was raining during the interview, and the Director said he lived nearby so he was going to wait until it stopped raining and then walk home. I waited outside with him and tried to make small talk. He gave me his email address and phone number. Then he asked if I could help him go to university to become a clinical psychologist. I said "Probably not", but he didn't seem too discouraged. Then he invited me to go to church on Sunday with him. I said "Maybe". This man is about 50 years old, and he was making me feel uncomfortable. Finally it stopped raining and he left.
Later that night the night guard came into the house looking for me and told me there was a man outside asking for me, he had a gift for me. I was confused but followed him outside anyway. The director was standing outside the gate with a bag full of bananas. He said he brought me a gift and was looking forward to working with me (I gave the bananas to the other volunteers because I am allergic to them). At the time I didn't think much of this, receiving gifts around here is pretty standard as an international visitor.
The next morning (Wednesday) I went to see the headmaster at Gbi Special School to introduce a group of medical volunteers who were doing a hygiene presentation with the students that day and to tell him the good news. When he found out that the Director was coming to the school his face lit right up. He could hardly contain his happiness. He was shaking my hand and slapping his thighs and laughing--until I mentioned the Director's name. The headmaster's smile disappeared as he informed me that this man I was bringing to the school was not the Director at all, he simply ran the assessment center in Hohoe and had no influence in government at all. I was crushed, and embarrassed, and angry all at once. I could not believe I had been so easily fooled. That man had lied to me just to further his own interests--not only was he getting a ride out to the school for free to visit with his old friends, he also thought he had made an international connection that could assist him in advancing his career. The headmaster didn't seem too phased though. He gave me the contact information for the real Director of Special Education, who works in Ho, and told me to bring the imposter out to the school anyway and to pretend I didn't know the truth. The headmaster wanted to question this man and have him apologize for lying to me. I wasn't completely comfortable with this idea but the staff at CCS assured me that the headmaster was a smart man and would make sure that things were handled properly. The staff at CCS were also thankful to know they had been given false information and wanted the situation to be righted as soon as possible.
I was on edge Thursday morning to say the least. I didn't know how I could face this man who had lied to me about who he was and act like I was still oblivious to his lie. When he arrived we climbed into the van with all the other volunteers and took off. On the way he made our driver stop so he could buy food and phone credits--I wasn't impressed with this, we had volunteers to drop off at placements and he was acting as though our van was his personal limo. When we arrived at the school I took him to meet Michael, the pre-vocational teacher and a friend of this man. I asked Michael if he would mind taking the man on a tour of the grounds to see the new development projects after we talked to the headmaster and Michael agreed.
Another volunteer, Cassie, had come out to ask the headmaster about first aid supplies so she joined our entourage (I also wanted some support once the headmaster started drilling the assessment center guy so I was glad to have her there). We knocked on the headmaster's office door and he told us to come on in. He looked up and said "Sit down". My stomach immediately started twisting. The headmaster had not said "You are welcome", the usual courtesy to visitors around here. I knew things were about to go horribly wrong.
The headmaster asked "How can I help you?" He refused to look at the assessment man and his tone was cold and condescending. I explained that I had brought the Director of Special Education out to the school to see the new projects, as we had discussed earlier. The headmaster just stared at me. "Come again?" he asked. I hesitated--I was sure he must understand and I was confused as to why he was not going along with our plan. I had even had a staff member call earlier that morning to double check that this "interrogation plan" was still a go. So I tried to explain again, but the headmaster interrupted me. He told me that the staff at Gbi Special School do not report to this man, this man is not the Director of Special Education. This man does not represent the government. This man simply runs the assessment center in Hohoe. He is responsible for assessing the children that are sent to him and then handing them over to the school. He has no other business at the school. This man is not welcome on school property, so why have I brought him there? I have no business bringing this man to the school.
I just sat stunned. The assessment guy didn't say a word, he just looked at the floor. Cassie's mouth was hanging open in shock. This man is not welcome here, and I realize I am no longer welcome either. The headmaster says "If there is nothing else you can go". I stand up and the assessment guy and I walk out. I have no idea what just happened. Things just fell apart completely. I had been asked to leave the school.
I feel obligated to apologize to this man for some reason, and he tells me not to worry about it. My phone starts ringing. It is Makafui, the director of CCS in Ghana. I tell the assessment guy I have to take a call, I will meet him back at the schoolhouse. As soon as I answer the call the lump in my throat dissipates and I start to cry and yell at Makafui. I am embarrassed and angry and don't know what to do. He tells me he will send a car to get me, we will sort things out at the homebase. I hang up, compose myself, and head back to the school to tell the assessment guy and the other volunteers there what is going on. Michael sees me as I am speaking to another volunteer and notices I am upset. He runs over and grabs my arm and starts pulling me toward a classroom. I try to explain that I have received some bad news and need to return home for the day to deal with it. He won't listen. He tightens his grip, pulls harder. He says I can't leave them. The children need me. I need to stop crying. I can't leave them. This draws a crowd of students and teachers. I ask him to let go, he's hurting me. I need to leave. Please just let go. He won't listen. I scream at him. I tell him he needs to let me go, I will be back as soon as I can but for now I need to go. He twists my arm behind my back but the assessment guy finally pipes up and tells him to let me go. I am bawling uncontrollably at this point. The kids are following behind me asking me why I am crying--they think they are responsible, and this breaks my heart. My phone keeps ringing every two seconds as the staff at CCS call to check on me. My class teacher comes over and starts asking me questions. The kids are yelling at me. My head is spinning.
Finally the cab arrives. The assessment guy leaves with me. To my horror he asks the cab to stop twice on the way back to the homebase--once at the post office and once at a shop. I am crying and I need to get home and I paid for the damn cab. I couldn't believe his nerve. A staff member met the car and I stormed home. I collapsed in my room and bawled. Then I fell asleep. I woke up later to explain things to the staff and they apologized profusely, promising to set things right.
On Friday I went to a different school and taught art. It was a nice change. The students sat in their desks and listened. They shared art supplies. They all followed one lesson. It was so easy. I taught a lesson on how to draw a face, which they thought was hilarious because I let them choose the gender and hairstyle of the person. They also ending up naming their faces, giving them jewellery, and adding in scarification marks that indicate tribe affiliation. I was pretty impressed. That afternoon I was called into Makafui's office. He told me that I had been drawn into a personal conflict between the headmaster and the assessment center guy, which had actually been the reason the assessment center guy LOST his job at the school in the first place. They had essentially used me as a pawn to have a confrontation. Makafui said the headmaster would be coming to meet with us later that evening to try and explain things to me and the CCS staff. To make a long story short, the headmaster did not show up, nor did he return our phone calls. He also managed to come up with excuses to avoid a meeting over the course of the weekend.
The assessment center guy has stopped by the CCS Homebase 3 times looking for me. The guards have to keep shooing him away and telling him I am not there. I have reported this to the intern supervisors and Makafui is going to make sure this man leaves me alone.
It is Saturday and I am very homesick right now. I am bitter. I am struggling to see the beauty in the people and community that I saw during my first few weeks. I do not know who to trust anymore. I feel used and unappreciated. I miss the kids but I do not know if I have it in me to go back out to that school. It has sapped all of the energy out of me. New volunteers arrived today. When they ask where I am placed I do not know what to tell them. When they ask how much I love Hohoe, if I would come back again, I do not know whether to lie or tell them the truth. I am not feeling very social to say the least...

Update: Today is Monday. I wrote this post on Saturday but the internet crashed so it never posted. This morning the headmaster came to meet with me and Makafui. He apologized for his behaviour and promised it would not happen again. He did not mean to direct his anger at me, he meant to direct at it the assessment guy. Apparently he had tried calling one of the staff earlier that morning to tell them to make sure the assessment guy DID NOT come out to the school, but he didn't reach anyone in time and was flustered when I showed up with assessment guy in tow. The headmaster has invited me back to the school, so I will return tomorrow morning. However, a few things have changed.
I have decided to only spend 3-4 days a week at the Gbi Special School because the atmosphere there is taking a huge toll on my optimism and energy level. The other days I will be returning to St. Teresa's Demonstration School to teach visual art (the students and teachers requested I come back!). My focus at the Gbi Special School will be on developing teaching aids for my teacher, arranging in-service learning seminars for the staff (e.g. how to teach sexual education, how to make learning interactive, etc.), and creating booklets and reference guides on different topics for the staff members (e.g. classroom management, behaviour management, creative learning solutions, etc.). Outside of this I will be focusing on independent learning about the special education system in Ghana through interviews, research, and visits to other special education institutions throughout the country. All of this information will be outlined in a report which will be made available to incoming volunteers so they have a better grasp on the political issues surrounding special education here.
I am feeling much better about things now that I have plan. I am happy that I was able to speak to the headmaster, assert myself, and have him agree to work on professional terms with myself and all future volunteers. Makafui says that things between CCS and the Gbi Special School finally reached a breaking point after many hiccups over the past few years. It took this episode with me for the headmaster to realize how important it is to maintain the relationship with CCS volunteers because we provide a lot of support and opportunities to the school that they would not otherwise receive.
However, I feel kind of bad for the headmaster at the same time. After everything that has happened I am beginning to understand why he acts the way he does sometimes. He feels threatened constantly. His position at the school is the only thing he has, and people are very protective of the things that give them status and power here. Makafui explained that the headmaster was afraid the assessment guy was going to look for negative things that he could report to the real regional director while he was at the school. I think the assessment guy may have tried to take the headmaster's job at one point. I can not imagine living in fear of losing my job and respect from others due to jealousy and personal issues with former coworkers. Job protection and politics operate on an entirely different playing field here than they do in Canada.
Anyway, this post has been long-winded. I hope to provide you all with a much more uplifting report next time I write. Hope all is well back home!